By Cde Nhamo Taneta

The smoke finally cleared after the ZANU PF 22nd National People’s Conference in Mutare, and what did we see? 

As always, a grand performance of loyalty oaths, factional gossip, and constitutional gymnastics worthy of an Olympic medal.

Leading the dance was ZANU PF legal secretary Ziyambi Ziyambi, confidently declaring that the party would “align” the law to let President Emmerson Mnangagwa — affectionately rebranded as “Cde Ruka Chivende” — stay in power until 2030. 

Yes, the self-proclaimed “constitutionalist” now wants to wrestle the Constitution into submission. 

Because, of course, ten years is not enough time for His Excellency and his “sons” — Wicknell Chivhayo, Kudakwashe Tagwirei, Pedzai Sakupwanya, Delish Nguwaya, and George Guvamatanga — to finish converting public funds into private projects.

Reading the resolutions, Ziyambi said the party would fast-track constitutional amendments so that Cde Chivende could “complete his development programmes.” 

And, to be fair, he has achieved a lot — he’s the first president to grant foreigners mining rights on sacred grounds like Mavuradonha, Boterekwa, and Christmas Pass. 

Truly, the man is moving mountains — both literally and metaphorically.

But here’s the constitutional snag: Section 328(7) of Zimbabwe’s Constitution clearly says no sitting president can benefit from amendments that extend term limits. 

Any such change must go to a national referendum — not be cooked up over sadza and slogans in Mutare. 

In short, ZANU PF can’t legally stretch Mnangagwa’s rule unless the people themselves agree, and judging by the economy, that vote might not go quite as planned.

Still, the Youth League was on cue, promising to back Dr Amai’s Nhodo and Pada “empowerment” programmes — said to be “transforming the economy,” presumably one imported wig and Gucci handbag at a time.

Meanwhile, factional wars simmered beneath the applause. 

Chris “Manhize” Mutsvangwa, rumoured to have received “blessings” from fuel baron and tenderpreneur-in-chief Kudakwashe Tagwirei, launched a sermon attacking Vice President Constantino Chiwenga’s corruption. 

In ZANU PF, corruption isn’t a sin — it’s a competition. 

The question isn’t who is corrupt, but who is more corrupt.

By the end, the so-called “People’s Conference” felt more like a talent show for praise-singing and political betrayal. 

Leaders spoke of unity while eyeing each other’s chairs, and they preached constitutionalism while gleefully shredding the very document that defines it.

In the end, the Constitution didn’t just bend — it left Mutare in tatters, wrapped neatly under the boots of loyalty.