Fellow comrades, dear citizens, and long-suffering compatriots, once again, I rise from the political graveyard to dispense wisdom, sprinkle satire, and reflect on our nation’s unending comedy of errors.  

The year is drawing to a close, but alas, the end of our collective woes is nowhere in sight. 

This so-called festive season has arrived cloaked in a funeral mood, as sombre as the faces of ZESA engineers trying to explain perpetual darkness. 

Much has happened this week, an avalanche of absurdity that outshines even the most ridiculous moments of 2024.  

So, forgive me if I sound a tad exasperated. If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll understand why.  

A Trabablas Nonsense of Everything

Who better to summarize the state of the nation than that fanatic opposition preacher, Nelson Chamisa, who recently declared: 

“It’s all Trabablas… We are living in trabablas times. It’s really a trabablas administration, running a Trabablas economy, with Trabablas policies and a Trabablas currency…”

Spot on, young man, but you might want to tone down the religious messaging, it’s becoming too monotonous even for my liking. 

Last week, the cabinet convened for the last time this year not to address hunger, power outages, or collapsing healthcare, but to name a highway interchange after Ruka Chivende’s highly questionable nickname, Trabablas.

It seems the dear leader is hell-bent on etching his name onto every available structure, perhaps in a misguided quest for immortality. 

But history reminds us that Zimbabweans have a knack for ignoring such vanity projects. 

Remember the failed renaming of Prince Edward High School? 

Girls High,Harare roads, Even military bases? 

Mbudzi Roundabout will remain Mbudzi Roundabout, no matter how many Trabablas signs you nail into it.  

 Land Tenure: A Noble Goal, the Usual Nepotism  

Every so often, Ruka Chivende takes a good idea and wraps it in a blanket of corruption. 

The Land Tenure Implementation Program is no exception. 

Intended to issue land ownership documents to ZANU PF supporters (let’s not pretend otherwise), the project is helmed by none other than Kuda Tagwirei, a man on the sanctions list and the president’s all-weather crony.  

In a nation of 16 million, how does the same handful of individuals always end up controlling state resources? 

It’s almost as if loyalty to the first citizen is the only qualification that matters. 

Funny how Tagwirei, no stranger to controversy, keeps finding himself at the helm of critical national projects. What’s next? 

Tagwirei heading ZESA’s solar rollout? Oh, wait, never mind.  

 ZESA’s Endless Darkness

Speaking of ZESA, the past two weeks have been nothing short of apocalyptic for ordinary Zimbabweans. 

Entire communities have been plunged into darkness, while the elite bask under uninterrupted power or gleaming solar panels.  

ZESA Executive Chairman, Sidney Gata,recently announced, with a straight face, that by 2025 Zimbabwe will be generating 4,600 megawatts of electricity, three times the current capacity.  

He also claimed that 13 power stations are “either under construction or within.” Within what, exactly? Our imaginations?  

After years of unfulfilled promises, the people are fed up with these administrative fairy tales. 

Perhaps we should rename our load-shedding schedule “Trabablas Power Sharing” to keep the theme consistent.  

A Trabablas Festive Season

This festive season lands against the backdrop of unprecedented failure. 

The much-hyped civil servant bonuses were a macroeconomic disaster, leaving workers with little more than crumbs. 

For the Trabablas elite, the president, his offspring, and their well-fed associates, this season may be a time for champagne toasts and luxurious new wheels.

But for the average Zimbabwean? It’s a season of mourning, punctuated by pain, uncertainty, and confusion. 

No Christmas lights, no festive cheer just the flicker of hope dimmed by yet another year of political and economic mismanagement.  

And so, as we close 2024, we prepare for another Trabablas year filled with Trabablas excuses, Trabablas policies, and Trabablas failures. 

Brick by brick, they say. 

But at this rate, all we’ll have are imaginary bricks for a phantom nation.  

Asante Sana, comrades. Until next time.