By Patriot Sunungura
Priscilla Chigumba, the mastermind behind President Ruka Chivende’s flawless 2023 “win” courtesy of her brilliant strategy ensuring a conspicuous absence of ballot papers in urban opposition strongholds, has now flown the coop—straight to Belarus.
Why, you ask? Well, it’s not for sightseeing.
The Zimbabwe Electoral Commission (ZEC) chairperson Chigumba is on a mission to observe how the Belarus Central Election Commission (CEC) keeps its president, Aleksander Lukashenko, in power through a method that’s less “election” and more “selection.”
Clearly, Chigumba is following in the footsteps of our very own Dr. Amai, who recently made the pilgrimage to Belarus.
But while Dr. Amai was out there for a cultural exchange, Chigumba’s trip is strictly business, she’s there to learn and master the fine art of producing “landslide” victories that are more “rigged” than “free and fair.”
Let’s be honest, this is an internship on how to perfect the art of doomcracy not democracy.
Lukashenko has been winning “elections” since 1994, and we’re sure there are some trade secrets to be learned in keeping that kind of political stamina going for ZANU PF.
The 2028 general elections are on the horizon, and it’s no secret that there’s a growing push to not delay them.
But don’t worry, Chigumba’s already busy securing victory for the revolutionary party in advance.
After all, why bother with things like voter registration or actual ballots when you can simply “select” the winner ahead of time?
As True Patriots we don’t even think about sending her to America to observe their elections.
After all, what could they possibly teach her about winning?
Americans change their presidents like they change their socks, who needs that kind of instability when you can select your leader for eternity?
So, here’s to Chigumba our globe-trotting champion of selection showing us all how it’s done, Belarus style.
Let’s just hope she doesn’t come back with any “new” ideas like free and fair elections or, heaven forbid, transparency.
