By Cde Makomborero Geza
History has been made! Zimbabwe has done it again! First, we made all 16 million of us SADC chairpersons, and now, thanks to our beloved Minister of Sports, Kirsty Coventry, we are all Presidents of the International Olympic Committee (IOC).
Yes, you heard that right—if Kirsty wins, Zimbabwe wins, and if Zimbabwe wins, we all win! That means from now on, every citizen should be addressed as “Your Excellency, IOC President.”
The news of Coventry’s victory came through while the Warriors were sweating it out against Benin… in South Africa. Because, of course, Zimbabwe doesn’t have a single FIFA-approved stadium. What a moment of poetic justice! The first IOC president from a country that can’t even host a proper soccer match.
Now, some haters might ask, “How does someone who failed to fix even one stadium in Zimbabwe suddenly get the top job in world sport?” But as true Zimbabweans, we know that failure is just a stepping stone to bigger things—like how our economy collapsed into greatness.
Kirsty has a golden opportunity to take her signature leadership style to the global stage. Just as she ensured Zimbabweans watch their national team play “home” games in South Africa, we trust she will push for the Olympics to be held in Mars or Jupiter. Our strategy has always been, “If we can’t fix it, we relocate.”
Zimbabwe can now officially bid to host the Olympics! And just like we do with soccer, we can host them in South Africa. This will be the first time in history a country hosts the Olympics… in another country. SADC must celebrate this one!
We also trust that she will use her new power wisely. We all remember how the Zimbabwe Olympic Committee (ZOC) sent 74 officials to Paris 2024 while Zimbabwe only had 7 athletes. Now that Kirsty is in charge, we can dream bigger—3000 officials for every 2 athletes! Imagine the glory of having more Zimbabwean chefs, bodyguards, and hairdressers at the Olympics than actual competitors.
However, we have one small warning for our new IOC President: Madam Coventry, please, do not overperform in this new job. If you suddenly become efficient and competent, people will start asking difficult questions, like why Zimbabwean sports are in ruins under your watch, and this may expose things we wish will remain secret, the underhand.
So, let’s all celebrate this momentous occasion. Zimbabwe is now in charge of the Olympics! Next stop, we take over FIFA, CAF, and the Premier League! Handei neGame!
