Fellow countrymen, ZANU PF elites, and esteemed comrades still pretending to care about democracy, it’s that time again.

I rise from the grave to share my unparalleled political insights and wisdom, because let’s face it, history keeps repeating itself, and someone has to point it out.

Once again, Zimbabwe is caught in the middle of a grand ZANU PF drama with different actors but the same tired script.

On one side, we have Ruka Chivende and his loyalists, clutching onto power like it’s the last meal at a buffet.

On the other, we have General Constantino Chiwenga’s faction, sharpening their knives under the noble guise of “fighting corruption.”

Ah, yes, fighting corruption—the party’s favorite folktale.

If you think this is about you, the struggling Zimbabwean trying to afford a loaf of bread, let me assure you, it’s not!

The only thing the masses are needed for in this battle is to provide background noise, cheering, and later, of course, crying when the new regime looks just like the old one.

Let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

In 2017, the country was treated to a grand performance called Operation Restore Legacy.

The storyline? A heroic fight against the “criminals around Mugabe.”

The reality? A well-orchestrated palace coup.

You, dear Zimbabweans, were invited to the party, made to dance in the streets, and then promptly shown the exit once the real guests settled in.

Hahaha, you were laughing at me when I was removed from power. Who has the last laugh now? Were the criminals around me ever found or arrested, or are they still being looked for?

Fast forward to today, and I see history dusting off its old script for a sequel, this time targeting the “Zvigananda around Mnangagwa.”

And once again, the masses are being rallied to the streets under the banner of change.
Tell me, do you really think these war veterans and party barons suddenly woke up and decided to fight for your electricity, your salaries, or your dignity?

No, my friends, they are just rearranging the furniture in the same crumbling house.

And oh, the riot police! Seeing them deployed across the nation ahead of the March 31 protests almost brought a reminiscent tear to my eye.

Nothing says “we are a democracy” like a government preparing for war against its own citizens.

It’s like watching a landlord hire security to beat up tenants while still expecting them to pay rent.

Suffering fellow countrymen, if I may ask, did your lives improve after I was removed from power?

Did the economy miraculously resuscitate, and did your healthcare system improve?
Did your salaries suddenly become meaningful?

Or did you just get new faces with the same bad habits?

If your answer is anything but yes, then I have only one piece of advice: “Don’t be fooled twice.”

ZANU PF’s factional wars have never been about you.

They are about power, control, and who gets to enjoy the country’s riches while Mthuli Ncube punishes you with hefty taxes.

Until next time, I’ll be watching from the great beyond, sipping my tea and chuckling at the déjà vu.

Till next time, Asante Sana!