Fellow countrymen, compatriots, and ZANU PF elites, it’s that time again—I rise from the grave to share my unparalleled wisdom and political insights.
This month marks exactly 45 good years since the ZANU-PF regime shifted power from colonial dictatorship to revolutionary black dictatorship, which I had the authority to oversee as the executive Prime Minister of a newly captured Zimbabwe.
There are those who argue that Independence occurred in 1966 during UDI, when that bastard Ian Douglas Smith decided to cut the umbilical cord from his mother, but as purebred corrupt leadership, we reject such nonsense and blasphemy.
The history of Zimbabwe has been beautiful since 18 April 1980.
It includes Gukurahundi, the attempt at creating a one-party state, Willowgate, ESAP, and war veterans’ payouts.
It also encompasses the violent land reform program, gross human rights violations against a new opposition movement, and the destruction of state infrastructure.
This was followed by a socioeconomic depression in 2008, a rigid GNU, a military-assisted transition, and stolen elections.
This is the beautiful legacy of ZANU-PF.
Currently, in my permanent absence, the country has degenerated into chaos under the ever-unreliable Trabablas, who is so hell-bent on his own elevation that he seriously believes he must have been ordained by the gods.
This brings a whole new meaning to the statement: “The gods must be crazy,” because surely, which gods can anoint such a calamity to represent their interests? However, dementia is a tough journey.
This month, as ZANU-PF, we celebrate the existence of obvious economic disparities and industrial-scale corruption engineered by ZANU-PF and perfected by Ruka Chivende.
This month, we celebrate the butchering of innocent, peace-loving Zimbabweans, whom we murder, abduct, and torture if they ever dare to challenge the supremacy of ZANU-PF or characters like the untouchable Wicknell and the reliable Scott Sakupwanya.
This month, we celebrate the face of poverty, unemployment, and a decaying education system, a decaying health system, and a decaying economy.
This month, we celebrate everything rotten and discourage progress. This month, we celebrate the humiliation of an army general to a disposable minister.
Basically, this month, we celebrate incompetence, misgovernance, and autocracy.
Happy Never Uhuru, Zimbabwe.
Till next time, Asante Sana!
