By Cde Nhamo Taneta
Teachers, parents, and learners have united in collective dismay to mark the Second Republic’s exam on schools’ reopening, barely a week into the new term.
The outspoken Amalgamated Rural Teachers Union of Zimbabwe (ARTUZ)—that infuriating union whose leaders were previously slapped with numerous charges, including a murder charge, for their brave and foolish stance in challenging the Second Republic’s negligence in the education sector—is administering the marking.
ARTUZ, unlike the docile, fractured, and passive opposition or the now-defanged ZCTU (which the Second Republic did an excellent job capturing), actually has the audacity and sheer temerity to organize a movement to save our education sector.
How unpatriotic of ARTUZ. We don’t need our education saved, but served and protected for the country’s elite Zviganandas who are looting the country’s resources and government coffers dry.
Some overzealous parents, being influenced by ARTUZ, had the audacity to remind His Excellency Comrade Trabablas about his grand promise of free education.
Clearly, they haven’t heard about his vascular dementia. How can they remember the populist promises he made in 2018 when he barely recalls what he had for breakfast?
Parents should bear in mind that our beloved ruling party leaders’ children don’t go to defunct government schools—where teachers are paid a paltry salary and parents are forced to pay for extra lessons.
Besides, everyone knows ZANU PF’s manifesto is written in the clouds: to be admired during election season and promptly forgotten thereafter.
True patriots, to be honest—why would our beloved president waste time fixing collapsing schools and hospitals when there is Agenda 2030 to promote?
Buttock-shaking and twerking expert Tatenda Mavetera and motormouth Daniel Garwe, understand this perfectly.
After all, a real revolutionary government doesn’t get bogged down by trivialities like education—it’s far too busy eating on behalf of the people.
Amid the chaos, however, there was one shining moment of progress.
Owen “Mudha” Ncube, Midlands’ Minister of State and patron saint of makorokoza, made a groundbreaking intervention at Batsirai Primary School in Gokwe.
Faced with crumbling infrastructure, he generously donated… a flag. Truly, what more could a school in need ask for?
Perhaps next, he’ll solve the teacher shortage by sending in a delegation of singing ZANU PF youths.
And let’s not forget his strategic silence on the practical mining lessons being conducted by artisanal miners in Kwekwe and Sanyati schools.
Why bother with boring old textbooks when children can learn hands-on from illegal pit diggers? Now that’s innovative curriculum development!
So yes, while the government may be failing in education, it’s acing one subject: how to turn a crisis into a comedy.
Too bad the joke’s on us.
