By Cde Sikhosana Bambazonke
Our beloved revolutionary party ZANU PF has resoundingly won opposition boycotted by-elections laced with voter apathy in Insiza North and Gutu East constituencies to prove to the masses once again in this teapot shaped country its where democracy goes to die.
The recent Insiza North and Gutu East “contests” should serve as a reminder to unpatric Zimbabweans and opposition sellouts that Zimbabwean elections are less about choice and more about choreographed farce.
Let’s start with the turnout—or rather, the lack thereof.
A staggering 35.9% in Insiza and a slightly more enthusiastic 48.3% in Gutu East.
That’s not voter participation; that’s the sound of a nation collectively sighing, “What’s the point?” Urban voters, broke and disillusioned, treated polling stations like potholes—something to be avoided at all costs.
Meanwhile, rural voters, herded like cattle by a delightful mix of fear, maize meal, and traumatic memories, dutifully ticked the box they were told to.
Democracy in action, folks!
Then there’s the opposition—or should I say, the phantom opposition?
The CCC, in a well calculated strategic move, decided that the best way to fight electoral fraud is… to not participate at all.
Genius! Why waste time losing when you can just boycott and let ZANU PF the people’s party win uncontested.
Truly, a masterstroke of political resistance if by resistance you mean surrendering before the battle even begins.
Let’s not forget the victorious candidates: ZANU-PF’s finest, fresh from the party’s cloning facility where originality goes to die.
No manifestos, no debates, just the usual recycled slogans and the unspoken understanding that their real job isn’t to serve constituents, but to nod obediently when the Big Man whispers “third term.”
The real winner, as always, is the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission (ZEC), which once again proved its unmatched talent for arithmetic.
How do you turn 7,171 votes into a “landslide”?
Simple—just ensure the other candidates are either unknown, underfunded, or, in the case of the CCC, mysteriously absent.
True Patriots let to toast to another by-election, another hollow victory, another step towards Mnangagwa’s inevitable “continuity.”
The only thing more predictable than a ZANU PF win is the collective shrug from a population that long ago realized elections are just expensive pantomimes.
Fear not, dear citizens! The next by-election is just around the corner, ready to drain yet more public funds from collapsing hospitals and unpaid teachers.
After all nothing says “democracy” like rerunning the same script with a different cast of stooges.
