Cde Bekezela Mkonto kaMthwakazi

The Heroes Acre is getting a software update, the new version 2025.0.1.

This time, the selection criteria have been rewritten with bold, inclusive brilliance.

If you’ve ever switched off a nation’s electricity, married into two presidential families, and chaired meetings about your own failures, well congratulations are in order.

You’re now hero material.

This week, Zimbabweans learned Zesa Holdings executive chairperson Dr. Sydney “Powerless but Connected” Gata made the list.

Yes, the same man who lit up mansions in Borrowdale while the rest of us dined by candlelight and juggled ZESA bills bigger than salaries.

He’s now a liberation luminary.

True patriots we are told, with a straight face, that his contribution was “immense.”

Well, true patriots, we all agree.

Immense is the word. Immense blackouts. 

Immense debt. Immense cronyism. 

Immense family networking.

How many men can say they married Mugabe’s sister, then double-clicked into the Mnangagwa folder without buffering?

This is not a man.

He’s a USB cable of political survival.

Gone are the days when hero status required sacrifice or — heaven forbid — ethics.

Zimbabwe has moved on.

Now, if you’re corrupt, politically flexible, and can keep State House lit while the rest of us cook with firewood — welcome to the shrine!

Gata’s journey was long.

Fired under the GNU. 

Accused of looting.

Reappointed by the flawless incorruptible Second Republic.

Married into two dynasties like a dynastic Casanova.

He even outlived his bad reputation, a skill so rare the Public Service Commission should teach it.

Let’s not forget his innovation in alternative power — not solar, not hydro.

Just hope.

Hope that maybe, someday, we’d get electricity for two straight hours.

The official statement probably read: “Dr. Gata will be laid to rest at the National Heroes Acre this Wednesday.”

What it didn’t say was: “The whole Warren Park suburb will be in a 14-hour blackout in his honour.”

The man was such a symbol of darkness, even his obituary came with a load-shedding schedule.

As expected, his burial will attract the who’s who of the Who Looted What club.

Politicians in dark glasses, pretending not to see the truth — a Zimbabwean classic.

Gata’s era won’t be remembered for innovation or service.

It will be remembered for inspiring the youth — not to build power stations, but to marry well and chair boards that achieve nothing.

So raise your candles, fellow citizens.

The lights may be out, but history is glowing — with sarcasm, confusion, and quiet despair.

Dr. Gata is our beloved hero who couldn’t power a kettle, but lit up the political grid.

Who Couldn’t Power a Kettle, But Lit Up the Political Grid.


Rest in peace, Comrade Voltage.

May your legacy flicker, just like your grid.