By Baba Bona Fellow Comrades, long-suffering Zimbabweans, and beleaguered Compatriots, it is once again my sacred duty as a retired demagogue ousted unceremoniously from power to rise from the grave and lament the current state of affairs.
Why shouldn’t I?
The evidence of my own disastrous legacy is now playing out in spectacular fashion.
Truly, the chickens have not only come home to roost, they’ve set up permanent residence in the living room.
Let us begin with the mantra of our times: “Nyika Inovakwa Nevene Vayo.” Ruka Chivende’s favorite phrase has devolved into an anthem of looting, corruption, nepotism, and sanctionsbusting. The so called rallying cry to build the nation has become the password to pillage it.
Yet our good Comrade Ruka, in his infinite wisdom, insists this is progress a vivid rebranding of vision. Ah, what a delusion! The economy is in freefall, but somehow the citizens remain hopeful. Are they hustling, surviving on scraps of nature, or simply too numb to notice the abyss?
Only the ancestors know. Speaking of hope turned farce, our illustrious leader, Ruka Chivende, has outdone himself yet again. In a move befitting only the most brazen of kleptocracies, former Gokwe-Nembudziya MP Mayor Wadyajena, yes, the man whose corruption scandals once lit up global headlines has been shortlisted for a commissioner’s position at the Zimbabwe Anti-Corruption Commission (ZACC). Pause and marvel at the poetic irony. The very institution investigating his alleged transgressions now seeks his oversight.
Genius or lunacy? Perhaps both. After all, it takes a thief to catch a thief, doesn’t it? Or so the saying goes. If this is Ruka’s master strategy, then I must applaud his commitment to theater. Cont Mhlanga, our revered godfather of theater, would surely weep from the grave.
Meanwhile, tragedy strikes closer to home.
The late Phelekezela Mphoko’s body has returned from India, where he sought life saving treatment. Alas, he has fallen victim to the inevitability of life or, more aptly, the catastrophic neglect of our healthcare system.
His death is a chilling testament to the utter collapse of our local health institutions, like Parirenyatwa Hospital, which are now little more than mausoleums for the poor.
Make no mistake: if you lack the resources to flee the country for treatment, your fate is sealed. ZANU PF has worked tirelessly to decimate the public health system, ensuring that only the wealthy can afford to outlive their ailments.
The rest? Well, the cemetery awaits. Not one to let domestic crises impede his delusions of grandeur, Ruka Chivende has recently been spotted gallivanting in Botswana, inspecting the condition of SADC offices.
One wonders: has he mistaken himself for a regional statesman? His aspirations for relevance on the continental stage have rendered him a laughingstock, a man forsaking his crumbling nation for imaginary titles abroad.
The irony of it all, dear comrades, is almost too rich. Zimbabwe’s leadership has become a parody of itself, a living meme of dysfunction.
But let me be crystal clear, I, in my infinite wisdom, distance myself, ZANU PF, and all of Zimbabwe from the debacle that is Ruka Chivende. This circus is his alone to preside over. And so, the struggle continues, unabated and unrewarded. Till next time, Asante Sana!!
