Author: Mashvee

2030 Agenda: Mnangagwa Finally Remembers There Are Youths

2030 Agenda: Mnangagwa Finally Remembers There Are Youths

Posted by | Mar 17, 2025 | |

President Mnangagwa’s 2030 Agenda is working wonders—not for Zimbabwe, but for his own power retention strategy. After eight years in office, he has miraculously remembered that young people exist, leading to the launch of the Presidential Youth Empowerment Fund. This follows a series of “Presidential” schemes, all conveniently timed with his push for a third term. At this rate, expect the Presidential Vendors Fund, the Presidential Unemployed Journalists Fund, and maybe even the Presidential Praise-Singers Fund—because, let’s be honest, it’s all about him, not the people.

Read More
Victory For Big Three Fans As Scottland Lose

Victory For Big Three Fans As Scottland Lose

Posted by | Mar 16, 2025 | |

Football fans at Rufaro Stadium scored a rare victory against corruption on Friday as Scottland FC, the team owned by ZANU PF’s gold smuggling darling Pedzai Sakupwanya, lost to Ngezi Platinum Stars. Even some Scottland “supporters” celebrated their team’s downfall, reminding their MP-turned-football-mogul that not all victories can be bought. In Mbare, where raw sewage and uncollected garbage decorate the streets, fans took the free stadium entry as a bonus—cheering, not for Sakupwanya’s club, but for its glorious defeat. The big three fans—Dynamos, Caps United, and Highlanders—couldn’t have asked for a better underdog story!

Read More
A marketplace for fools- Vendors now a National menace

A marketplace for fools- Vendors now a National menace

Posted by | Mar 14, 2025 | , , |

Vendors have now become an unnecessary national irritation, flooding the streets of Zimbabwe’s cities with their illegal operations and audacious setups. With no functioning industries and no alternative sources of income, these so-called “entrepreneurs” have turned the CBD into a chaotic, lawless jungle. But fear not—ZANU PF, with its ever-efficient tools of governance, has taken it upon itself to restore order. With the opposition in Harare City Council now fully co-opted, the government stands ready to bulldoze the livelihoods of these “criminal elements” without offering a single alternative. Resistance is rising, but the party is determined. After all, if people can successfully fight against evictions, what will stop them from fighting against a term

Read More
Who Needs Vendors When Industries Are Cosmetically Booming?

Who Needs Vendors When Industries Are Cosmetically Booming?

Posted by | Mar 12, 2025 | , |

According to our ever-patriotic state media, Zimbabwe’s industries are thriving under the unmatched leadership of President Ruka Chivende. Willowvale Industries is booming, ZISCO Steel is roaring, and Precabe Farm is employing millions—at least, that’s what the headlines say. So why are vendors still cluttering the streets when factories (that only exist in government press statements) are offering jobs? Perhaps the real reason for the crackdown on vendors isn’t about economic order, but a fear that too many unemployed people standing around might start asking inconvenient questions.

Read More
When Names Don’t Lie: No Win For Mahwinei In Chegutu By-election

When Names Don’t Lie: No Win For Mahwinei In Chegutu By-election

Posted by | Mar 10, 2025 | |

In a shocking display of ingratitude, the people of Chegutu Rural District Council Ward 3 ignored the revolutionary generosity of rice and opaque beer, instead voting for an independent candidate over ZANU PF’s Makofi Mahwinei. Perhaps the problem was right in his name—Mahwinei? Well, certainly not this by-election. Despite ZANU PF’s tireless efforts to maintain world-class potholes and keep corruption rankings high, the villagers somehow decided they wanted something different. Unbelievable!

Read More

Latest True Patriot Podcast Episode