Author: Mashvee

Of Dembare and Beer: Even Mbinga Owned Clubs Fall

Of Dembare and Beer: Even Mbinga Owned Clubs Fall

Posted by | Feb 23, 2025 | |

Dynamos FC proved once again that when beer is on the line, they simply don’t miss! After sipping on Chibuku in December, the Glamour Boys have now secured a taste of clear beer with their Castle Challenge Cup triumph. Even against a Mbinga-backed, South Africa-camped Simba Bhora, Dembare showed that no amount of offshore training can outmatch local resilience—especially when the prize is sponsored by Delta Beverages. Tenderera MaBlanyo!

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The Troublebabalas drama Part 1

The Troublebabalas drama Part 1

Posted by | Feb 22, 2025 | , |

The Troublebabalas saga continues! This week, The True Patriot unearths the absurdity of Trabablas Ruka Chivende’s desperate attempts to sell his “No Third Term” lie while secretly paving the way for a life presidency. From his bootlicking choir to his fraudulent academic all-stars, Zimbabwe is drowning in deception. Even the late great Comrade Himself chimes in from beyond the grave, calling out the hypocrisy, corruption, and staged Instagram-like “development projects.” If you thought this week was dramatic, stay tuned for Part 2!

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Throw A Stone At Shake-shake Building And You Will Hit A PHD Holder

Throw A Stone At Shake-shake Building And You Will Hit A PHD Holder

Posted by | Feb 20, 2025 | , |

Under President Trabablas’ reign, Zimbabwe’s ruling party has become the ultimate academic institution—handing out PhDs faster than a street vendor sells airtime. The True Patriot hilariously examines how ZANU PF’s Shake-Shake Building is now overflowing with “Doctors,” from Tatenda Mavetera, who mysteriously forgot her thesis title, to Amai Auxilia Mnangagwa, whose doctorate is as prestigious as her taxpayer-funded pada tournaments. At this rate, even Wicknell “Chigananda” Chivayo might soon be a proud PhD holder!

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Mnangagwa’s All-Weather Friends Introduce Mining To Bryden Country School

Mnangagwa’s All-Weather Friends Introduce Mining To Bryden Country School

Posted by | Feb 17, 2025 | , , |

In this blistering satire from The True Patriot, Nhamo Taneta exposes the madness behind Zimbabwe’s “Open for Business” policy—now taking mining straight to the classroom! With Chinese miners set to dig up Bryden Country School, students will get a hands-on “education” in environmental destruction. After all, under President Trabablas, nothing—not even schools—is off-limits for his “all-weather friends.”

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War Veterans Get Water, But Still No Roof Over Their Heads

War Veterans Get Water, But Still No Roof Over Their Heads

Posted by | Feb 17, 2025 | , |

In this scathing True Patriot piece, Cde Patriot Sungura dissects ZANU PF’s latest “masterstroke”—boreholes for war veterans, because who needs a roof when you’ve got water? As the government parades this “milestone” under the Trabablas Chivende initiative, war veterans remain homeless, hungry, and forgotten—just not thirsty! A satirical deep dive into promises that flow faster than progress.

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