Author: Mashvee

Ministers Mhona and Garwe: Heroes of Cardboard Casts and Medical Tape Solutions”

Ministers Mhona and Garwe: Heroes of Cardboard Casts and Medical Tape Solutions”

Posted by | Feb 17, 2025 | |

Zimbabwe’s healthcare sector has once again proven that necessity is the mother of invention. Thanks to the “visionary” leadership of Ministers Felix Mhona and Daniel Garwe, the nation is witnessing a medical revolution—cardboard splints and cellotape casts. While critics cry “inhumane,” true patriots see innovation! Why waste millions on plaster casts when a sturdy box and tape can do the job? As Ministers pose for photos and critics rant online, one thing is clear—Zimbabwe leads the world in DIY healthcare solutions!

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Warriors Settle in South Africa Again Amid Stadium ‘Renovations’

Warriors Settle in South Africa Again Amid Stadium ‘Renovations’

Posted by | Feb 17, 2025 | |

In this biting satire, The True Patriot ridicules ZIFA’s “home-away-from-home” farce as the Warriors once again host a World Cup qualifier in South Africa—because who needs an actual stadium in Zimbabwe? With Minister Kirsty Coventry’s promises gathering more dust than the National Sports Stadium, the Warriors are fast becoming a touring agency rather than a national team.

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Drug Testing policy should start at the top office

Drug Testing policy should start at the top office

Posted by | Feb 15, 2025 | , |

In this latest Beyond the Grave dispatch, our late supreme leader delivers another dose of unfiltered wisdom, endorsing Deputy Health Minister Sleiman Kwidini’s call for mandatory drug testing—with one crucial amendment: Start at the top! From Trabablas’ chaotic policies to Mutsvangwa’s rambling press conferences, the signs are clear—something stronger than logic is at play. And with the ZRP now charging Cde Geza, could a showdown between the police and the Generari be brewing? Stay tuned—2024 is serving drama hotter than a ZANU PF rally speech!

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Cde Geza, Beware! Trabablas is the “Army, Police and the Judiciary

Cde Geza, Beware! Trabablas is the “Army, Police and the Judiciary

Posted by | Feb 14, 2025 | |

ZANU PF Republic Police (ZRP) is hunting for Cde Blessed Geza, dusting off old charges to remind him that in the Second Republic, every citizen has a case—it just activates when you criticize President Ruka Chivende. Geza should seek survival tips from seasoned ‘Western puppets’ Obert Masaraure and Robson Chere, or perhaps Job Sikhala and Jameson Timba—veterans of ZANU PF’s favorite game: Criticize and Catch a Charge. As history shows, under Trabablas, justice comes swift—armed with the Army, Police, and Judiciary. Good luck, Cde Geza. You’ll need it!

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Zim Celebrates USAID Cut: “More Taxes, Fewer Problems!”

Zim Celebrates USAID Cut: “More Taxes, Fewer Problems!”

Posted by | Feb 14, 2025 | , |

The Zimbabwean government has enthusiastically welcomed the suspension of $410 million in USAID health funding, calling it a “patriotic blessing in disguise” and a golden chance to unleash more taxes. With Finance Minister Mthuli Ncube leading the charge, get ready for genius levies like the Walking Tax for using public air and pavements and a Gossip Tax on WhatsApp voice notes. But fear not—every dollar squeezed from citizens will fund Wicknell Chivayo’s luxury car giveaways. After all, what’s more urgent—hospitals or a happy Wicknell?

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