Author: Mashvee

ED Forever: A Love Letter to My War Vets

ED Forever: A Love Letter to My War Vets

Posted by | Feb 12, 2025 | |

In this heartfelt and totally democratic letter, Supreme Leader Ruka Chivende lovingly scolds his war vets for their lack of enthusiasm in supporting ED Forever. After all, who needs elections when you have urban stands and a few million-dollar perks to keep the comrades in line? As for corruption, well, that’s just motivation to steal bigger! Join His Excellency as he graciously reminds his war heroes that loyalty—like title deeds—can always be bought!

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Wicknell Chivayo, The Ultimate Philanthropist Now Highlanders’ Savior

Wicknell Chivayo, The Ultimate Philanthropist Now Highlanders’ Savior

Posted by | Feb 9, 2025 | , |

Zimbabwe’s tenderpreneur extraordinaire, Wicknell Chivayo, has once again swooped in to save the day—this time, rescuing Highlanders FC from FIFA’s financial red card. Fresh off his luxury car giveaway tour, Chivayo is proving that no debt is too small for his philanthropic empire. With a simple tweet and deep government pockets, Bosso’s fate is sealed—because why fix a broken economy when you can buy football clubs and Range Rovers instead?

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ZANU PF Expels Geza and His Cabal of Traitors for Defying Leadership

ZANU PF Expels Geza and His Cabal of Traitors for Defying Leadership

Posted by | Feb 7, 2025 | |

ZANU PF has swiftly expelled renegade freedom fighter Cde Blessed Geza for his blasphemous remarks against our benevolent leader, Ruka Chivende, and his glorious Agenda 2030. How dare he question lifelong rule while Zimbabwe thrives under elite looting and mass poverty? As Justice Minister Ziyambi warns, the state machinery is watching, and those who dare defy the supreme leadership will face the inevitable consequences. Geza has fallen. Who’s next?

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Zimbabwe is Closed for Business but Open for the Mafidi Dynasty

Zimbabwe is Closed for Business but Open for the Mafidi Dynasty

Posted by | Feb 5, 2025 | , |

Zimbabwe may be closed for business, but it’s wide open for the Mafidi Dynasty! As the economy crumbles, big businesses flee, and fraudsters like Magaya forge their way to the top, ZANU PF’s elite gang continues to thrive. Meanwhile, Tatenda Mavetera mistakes politics for a soap opera, Tsenengamu gets ambushed by a goat debt, and Winky D keeps dropping lyrical bombs on the corrupt. Welcome to Zimbabwe’s real-life drama—where the only vision in Vision 2030 is looting until the wheels fall off!

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