Fellow Zimbabweans, I greet you from the Afterlife.
Here, the departed find more peace than the living under this new dispensation—the so-called Second Republic.
Where death is easier than living.
Where power belongs to the Almighty, not just the mighty.
Just when you thought the comedy ended, the jokes keep coming.
Now through Analog Justice. Yes, comrades, in a country where power cuts are as common as potholes in the CBD.
In a country where the internet is slower than ZANU PF’s transition to democracy.
Remember the saying: justice delayed is justice denied? In Zimbabwe, it’s delayed by slow WiFi.
The justice system, in its unmatched wisdom, has decided to trust the judiciary to Econet and network bundles.
Just like ZESA, they take sabbaticals when you need them most.
Bail hearings now depend on how fast the government buys data.
Golden comedy, fellow patriots.
The comedy continued.
Children of war veterans gathered in Gweru.
They met Mwenemutapa and Mwenemutapa Junior.
They held signs saying Huchi—maybe they meant to say ED Hutsi, not Huchi.
This mob of entitled revolutionary heirs screamed reparations passed down through DNA.
Apparently, revolutionary entitlement is sexually transmitted.
These young men and women turned history into hustle.
Hereditary heroism is now a family business.
This meeting was not about the war their fathers fought.
No, it was ZANU PF’s version of empowerment: money without work, recognition without merit, and power without responsibility.
I laughed almost back to life seeing Emmerson Junior showered with praise.
A fish rots from the head.
The first war veteran’s child is in the building.
Enter the professional mourners of Zimbabwean politics—the opposition.
Yes, you heard me right.
The Pentecostal Advocate, Nelson Chamisa, our great poet.
He sent shockwaves with his “I love you” message to Zimbabweans.
A man who disappeared after 2023. A man who offers spiritual quotes when faced with physical challenges.
So deep in romantic optimism, he thinks Zimbabweans are Amai Ashy and every day is Valentine’s Day.
He believes Zimbabweans are Juliet and he is their Romeo, whispering sweet honeyed words from the balcony of social media.
People want fresh water, not bouquets. Electricity, not sonnets.
It made me laugh hard how Zimbabweans tore into him.
If he expected love back, he was wrong.
He got tough love from long-suffering Zimbabweans.
I rue the day I endorsed him as a solution to Emmerson.
Chamisa turned revolution into courtship.
What next? “I miss you, Harare”?
The revolution is now a Nguva Yakwana crusade, offering only Bible verses and vibes.
A mixtape of sorts.
Not to be outdone in Zimbabwe’s political comedy, Ruka Chivende took regional leaders on a tour of Pomona Dumpsite.
As they walked through the piles of trash, it never occurred to them how ironic it is that Zimbabwe recycles its waste more than it recycles its leaders.
