By Patriot Sunungura

The Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation (ZBC), recently quoted Minister of Primary and Secondary Education, Dr. Torerai Moyo, proudly announcing that over 100 new schools were built in 2024.

Yes, Moyo made these proud remarks in a country facing a shortage of 3,000 schools. 

This bold declaration means the deficit is now down to a mere 2,895. Progress, right?  

It seems the Second Republic thrives on big numbers, tossing them around with the finesse of a seasoned magician. 

But as always, counter-revolutionary elements, those pesky critics had the audacity to ask for a list of these 100+ gleaming new schools. 

Naturally, Moyo who answers only to his appointing authority, President Ruka Chivende, ignored the challenge with the kind of grace only found in officials too busy not accounting to the public.  

But let’s be fair, did President Ruka Chivende even see this list of schools? 

Probably not. The man is busy, after all. 

He’s running a nation (into the ground, some might say) and has absolute faith in the genius of his Ministers, whose brilliance apparently rivals that of Einstein. 

Who needs evidence when you’ve got trust?  

Enter the Department of Plenty, a cornerstone of President Chivende’s office. 

This unsung think tank has perfected the fine art of “sanction-busting.”

Their strategy? Envision what progress could* 
have happened if sanctions weren’t “crippling” Zimbabwe, then announce that progress as though it’s real. 

It’s a stroke of genius, a strategy so effective it leaves detractors flustered and citizens wondering if they’ve woken up in a parallel universe.  

And building schools? Easy-peasy in Zimbabwe! 

After all, what even is a school? Is it the tree in Chingwizi where learners gather, dodging the elements?

Perhaps it’s the disused farmhouse where young people and a few elders squat together? 

Or maybe it’s the pole-and-dagga structure tucked away in some forgotten bush, bravely hosting “lessons.”

Even political indoctrination centers (one proudly named after Hebert Chitepo) now qualify as schools. 

So, really, the 105 figure might be conservative. 

With this loose definition, we could build thousands more schools by simply renaming structures already standing.  

But let’s not be cynical. 

The target for 2025 is ambitious, 2,895 new schools, wiping out the shortage and fulfilling Sustainable Development Goal on inclusive education. 

No one will be left behind because, apparently, everyone is already included under a tree, in a shack, or at a rebranded “training center.”

Zimbabwe is truly being built brick by imaginary brick.  

And with that, the hardworking Second Republic marches on, bursting sanctions and silencing critics, one phantom school at a time.