By Cde Honest Vhura Hombe
The ZANU PF government, in an exceptional move to demonstrate that Zimbabwean innovation didn’t die with the Zimdollar, has unveiled its latest masterstroke: forcing every motorist to pay for ZBC radio licenses they don’t want, for content they don’t listen to, on stations that don’t inform them.
It’s like being forced to buy a meal at a restaurant where the only dish served is yesterday’s propaganda reheated.
At $92 per car per year, this isn’t a broadcasting license – it’s an involuntary subscription to ZANU PF’s greatest hits album.
“Dissent Not Allowed” tracks play on loop, with special guest appearances by “2030 Ndinenge Ndichipo” and “All Your Taxes Are Belong to Us.”
With 1.2 million vehicles on the road, ZBC stands to make $73 million annually – enough to buy new transmission equipment to better blast their partisan drivel across the nation.
The government claims this will “increase compliance,” which in Zimbabwean bureaucratese means “increase suffering.”
Motorists must now choose between feeding their families or funding the very lies that claim there’s no hunger.
The so-called exemption for cars without radios has already sparked a booming new industry: radio-ectomy services.
Mechanics report queues of drivers begging, “Just take it out, Wangu – I can’t afford to hear the news anymore!”
What makes this particularly rich is ZBC’s transformation from public broadcaster to presidential praise-singer.
Their news bulletins contain less journalism than a fortune cookie, yet every car owner must now pay for the privilege of ignoring them. It’s like being taxed to maintain a broken traffic light that only ever shows green to one political party.
The real kicker, this tax was rammed through despite overwhelming public opposition, proving once again that in Zimbabwe, democracy is when you’re allowed to complain about policies – right before they’re implemented anyway.
As one MP reportedly said during debates: “The people don’t know what’s good for them… but we do.”
So buckle up, Zimbabwe! Your car registration now comes with mandatory ideological alignment. Soon they’ll be taxing us for the oxygen we use to sigh at their nonsense. At this rate, by 2030 we’ll all be paying a “Thinking About Politics” levy – payable in USD only, of course.
