By His Excellency, Field Marshal of Visionary Leadership, President Ruka Chivende
Fellow Zimbabweans,
As I take a moment to reflect on the unparalleled brilliance of my leadership, I am reminded of a simple, undeniable truth: I am inevitable.
Like sunrise over the Zambezi or potholes on Harare’s streets, my presence at the helm of this great nation is simply…destiny.
Two-Term Limits? Suggestions, Not Rules
Let us address the elephant in the room no, not the actual elephants poached while you weren’t looking.
Yes, the constitution mentions something about two-term limits, but let’s be honest, that’s more of a “guideline.”
Would you fire your chef halfway through preparing a five-course meal?
Or worse, stop your driver halfway down a pothole-ridden highway, Exactly.
Amending the constitution to allow me a third term isn’t just a political adjustment it’s an act of patriotism.
Vision 2030 demands continuity, and who better to guide Zimbabwe to the promised land than me, the Moses of our modern era? (
However, unlike Moses, I’m not stopping at the Red Sea; I’m crossing over to 2030.
The Tshabangu Masterstroke: Reinventing Democracy
Let us now discuss the Tshabangu Effect, that groundbreaking political innovation that has redefined democracy as we know it.
For the uninitiated, my dear friend and unsanctioned CCC “interim secretary-general,” Sengezo Tshabangu, has provided a masterclass in creative democracy.
He decided that elected opposition MPs were surplus to requirements and simply recalled them.
Why? Because they didn’t share the government’s vision of loyalty or perhaps his WhatsApp group didn’t like their vibes.
The beauty of this move is that the replacements were carefully selected individuals who understand the importance of unity in Parliament.
Some of them even remember which party they belong to!
Critics call this a farce, but I call it streamlined democracy.
Why waste time arguing with an opposition when you can handpick one that agrees with you?
International Inspiration: The ZANU-PF Rulebook
When I look around, I see leaders struggling to maintain control, while here in Zimbabwe, we’ve mastered the art of governance.
Take Tshabangu’s “recall and replace” model, it’s so effective, I’m considering using it on citizens.
If you’re not fully loyal to Vision 2030, we might just recall your existence and replace you with someone more enthusiastic.
And those who criticize this bold direction? Well, they can always apply for asylum in countries with more rigid interpretations of “democracy.”
Third Term for the People
Let’s not forget that this isn’t about me it’s about you, the people.
Yes, you, who have no cooking oil, no electricity, and no water.
My leadership ensures these conditions remain consistent, so you know exactly what to expect each day. That’s called stability.
Vision 2030 requires my wisdom and steady hand to navigate the complexities of governance.
You see, Zimbabwe is like a fine mbira, and I am the only one who knows how to play it…even if the sound resembles a broken drum.
“Constitutional Gymnastics”: A National Sport
Amending the constitution to allow for my third term isn’t just legal it’s inspirational.
We’ve turned what critics call “constitutional gymnastics” into Zimbabwe’s favorite national sport.
Justice Minister Ziyambi Ziyambi assures me this is perfectly legitimate, and if it isn’t, well, the constitution has no feelings.
As for the critics who claim this is a power grab, I say this: if you have the power, grab it. Why would I leave something so valuable lying around?
Dear citizens, the stars have aligned, the constitution is flexible, and Tshabangu is doing God’s work in neutralizing anyone with a backbone.
The road to 2030 is clear, and I am firmly behind the wheel, driving at my own pace, of course.
To those who doubt me, remember: potholes may slow me down, but nothing can stop the inevitable.
After all, I am not just the President. I am destiny. I am democracy. I am inevitable.
This message is sponsored by the Ministry of Eternal Presidency and The True Patriot, the official voice of Vision 2030.
