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Zanu PF Resolutions: The sad truth
In this episode, we discuss the Zanu PF Resolution from the Zanu PF People’s Conference held in Bulawayo on October 2014. Whats in it for the masses, how much is the party overriding government work.
We also talk to journalists to unpack some of the disinformation tactics our government has been using and ways to counter these, please listen!
Beyond the Grave- Not Yet Uhuru- 45 Years of Lies
From beyond the grave, a ghostly apology from Zimbabwe’s first strongman, confessing to past atrocities and warning about an even greater curse—Trabablas. Forty-five years after Uhuru, Independence feels like betrayal, not liberation.
B.I.O.N.I.C State of the Nation Address: Believe It Or Not, I Care
My fellow countrymen, suffering masses, and disgruntled ZANU PF card-carrying members, it is my privilege and honor to address you under these grueling and tough circumstances—tough for you, of course, as my family and I, along with the chosen few of ZANU PF elites, continue to swim in the gravy of royalty.
You can’t fault us for your ignorant poverty, but as your President, it is my obligation to offer you false hope and empty sympathies.
So, bear with me as I outline the calamities that have turned three-quarters of the country into destitute beggars.
Mnangagwa Cages the Wrong Blessed
Journalist Blessed Mhlanga has been caged, but not for his own sins—for those of another Blessed, war veteran Geza. With Geza still on the run, the Second Republic did the next best thing: arrest the wrong Blessed. Under Ruka Chivende, bail is not a constitutional right but a privilege reserved for the corrupt and connected. While Wicknell Chivhayo and Kudakwashe Tagwirei roam free, critics like Mhlanga rot in remand.
Breaking: Zimbabwe Now Runs the Olympics! Every Citizen is an IOC President!
History has been made! Zimbabwe has done it again! First, we made all 16 million of us SADC chairpersons, and now, thanks to our beloved Minister of Sports, Kirsty Coventry, we are all Presidents of the International Olympic Committee (IOC). Yes, you heard that right—if Kirsty wins, Zimbabwe wins, and if Zimbabwe wins, we all win! That means from now on, every citizen should be addressed as “Your Excellency, IOC President.”
The news of Coventry’s victory came through while the Warriors were sweating it out against Benin… in South Africa. Because, of course, Zimbabwe doesn’t have a single FIFA-approved stadium. What a moment of poetic justice! The first IOC president from a country that can’t even host a proper soccer match.
Now that Kirsty is in charge, Zimbabwe can dream bigger—3000 officials for two athletes at the next Olympics! And why not? If we can’t build stadiums, at least we can build travel budgets.
Beyond the Grave: ZANU PF’s Factional Wars—Déjà Vu, but with More Riot Police
Once again, Zimbabwe is caught in the middle of a grand ZANU PF drama—different actors, same tired script. On one side, Ruka Chivende clings to power like it’s the last meal at a buffet. On the other, General Chiwenga’s faction sharpens its knives under the noble guise of “fighting corruption.” Sound familiar? Of course, it does.
Remember 2017’s Operation Restore Legacy? You were invited to dance in the streets, then promptly kicked out once the real guests settled in. Now, history is dusting off its old script—this time targeting the “Zvigananda around Mnangagwa.” But tell me, fellow Zimbabweans, did your lives improve after I was removed? Or did you just get new faces with the same bad habits?
Treasonous ARTUZ Demands Teacher Pay Hike in March 28 Protest
The ever-problematic and Western-funded rogue regime change agents, masquerading as the Amalgamated Rural Teachers’ Union (ARTUZ), have called for another demonstration on 28 March.
This time, they are demanding a so-called “living wage” of US$1,260 for teachers, a figure so laughably high that it’s almost as if they believe educators deserve to live above the poverty line.
The Second Republic, however, remains steadfast in its commitment to ignoring the lamentations of these unpatriotic citizens.
Tyre Traders Declared a National Security Threat—Because Rubber Burns Better Than Logic
Harare’s tyre vendors woke up to a shocker this week—they are now a national security threat! The Zimbabwe Republic Police (ZRP), in their boundless wisdom, have ordered all tyre traders to relocate their stockpiles immediately. Why? Because rubber, apparently, burns better than logic when citizens are angry.
Meanwhile, over in Chitungwiza, bars have been ordered to shut early, because limiting access to alcohol is clearly the best way to turn public frustration into yoga retreats. Nothing calms political unrest like enforced sobriety, right?
At this rate, it’s only a matter of time before owning a lighter is declared treason.
Dear US, Keep Your Land—We’ll Keep Our Zimbabwe!
The United States has placed Zimbabwe in the “yellow” travel category—oh no, how will we ever survive without the privilege of scrubbing their dishes and driving their taxis? Well, dear Uncle Sam, keep your America, and we’ll keep our Zimbabwe! Who needs stable electricity, functioning hospitals, or a thriving economy when we have ZBC telling us everything is just fine? After all, in Zimbabwe, survival is an extreme sport, and we are champions!
Beyond the Grave – A Visionless Man Who Sees Himself as a Visionary
The once-mighty revolutionary party is imploding, and at the center of it all is Trabablas Chivende—a visionless man convinced he’s a visionary. His obsession with Agenda 2030 is less about progress and more about clinging to power, silencing dissenters, and turning Zimbabwe into a playground for political puppets and captured institutions. Meanwhile, vendors—who make up over 70% of the population—are being crushed for simply trying to survive. But as seen in Sakubva, resistance is brewing. The people are waking up, and Ruka’s grip on power is slipping.
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