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Zanu PF Resolutions: The sad truth
In this episode, we discuss the Zanu PF Resolution from the Zanu PF People’s Conference held in Bulawayo on October 2014. Whats in it for the masses, how much is the party overriding government work.
We also talk to journalists to unpack some of the disinformation tactics our government has been using and ways to counter these, please listen!
Mutsvangwa Swims Chiwenga to the Coast
ZANU PF’s ongoing power struggles have taken a dramatic twist, with party spokesperson Christopher Mutsvangwa launching a blistering attack on Vice President Constantino Chiwenga. Branding him “cruel, illiterate, and unelectable,” Mutsvangwa appears to be setting the stage for yet another episode in Zimbabwe’s long-running political soap opera. But was this a sanctioned assault to clear the way for Ruka Chivende’s extended rule under Agenda 2030, or is Mutsvangwa simply a rogue vendor selling expired political tactics? As Chiwenga fumes and the Politburo braces for its next meeting, the real question is: Will this political drama end in a handshake or a body slam?
2030 Agenda: Mnangagwa Finally Remembers There Are Youths
President Mnangagwa’s 2030 Agenda is working wonders—not for Zimbabwe, but for his own power retention strategy. After eight years in office, he has miraculously remembered that young people exist, leading to the launch of the Presidential Youth Empowerment Fund. This follows a series of “Presidential” schemes, all conveniently timed with his push for a third term. At this rate, expect the Presidential Vendors Fund, the Presidential Unemployed Journalists Fund, and maybe even the Presidential Praise-Singers Fund—because, let’s be honest, it’s all about him, not the people.
Victory For Big Three Fans As Scottland Lose
Football fans at Rufaro Stadium scored a rare victory against corruption on Friday as Scottland FC, the team owned by ZANU PF’s gold smuggling darling Pedzai Sakupwanya, lost to Ngezi Platinum Stars. Even some Scottland “supporters” celebrated their team’s downfall, reminding their MP-turned-football-mogul that not all victories can be bought. In Mbare, where raw sewage and uncollected garbage decorate the streets, fans took the free stadium entry as a bonus—cheering, not for Sakupwanya’s club, but for its glorious defeat. The big three fans—Dynamos, Caps United, and Highlanders—couldn’t have asked for a better underdog story!
A marketplace for fools- Vendors now a National menace
Vendors have now become an unnecessary national irritation, flooding the streets of Zimbabwe’s cities with their illegal operations and audacious setups. With no functioning industries and no alternative sources of income, these so-called “entrepreneurs” have turned the CBD into a chaotic, lawless jungle. But fear not—ZANU PF, with its ever-efficient tools of governance, has taken it upon itself to restore order. With the opposition in Harare City Council now fully co-opted, the government stands ready to bulldoze the livelihoods of these “criminal elements” without offering a single alternative. Resistance is rising, but the party is determined. After all, if people can successfully fight against evictions, what will stop them from fighting against a term
Who Needs Vendors When Industries Are Cosmetically Booming?
According to our ever-patriotic state media, Zimbabwe’s industries are thriving under the unmatched leadership of President Ruka Chivende. Willowvale Industries is booming, ZISCO Steel is roaring, and Precabe Farm is employing millions—at least, that’s what the headlines say. So why are vendors still cluttering the streets when factories (that only exist in government press statements) are offering jobs? Perhaps the real reason for the crackdown on vendors isn’t about economic order, but a fear that too many unemployed people standing around might start asking inconvenient questions.
When Names Don’t Lie: No Win For Mahwinei In Chegutu By-election
In a shocking display of ingratitude, the people of Chegutu Rural District Council Ward 3 ignored the revolutionary generosity of rice and opaque beer, instead voting for an independent candidate over ZANU PF’s Makofi Mahwinei. Perhaps the problem was right in his name—Mahwinei? Well, certainly not this by-election. Despite ZANU PF’s tireless efforts to maintain world-class potholes and keep corruption rankings high, the villagers somehow decided they wanted something different. Unbelievable!
ZBC Coverage Of Chivhayo Justifies Broadcasting Services Ammendment Bill
If anyone was wondering why the Broadcasting Services Amendment Bill had to pass at lightning speed, ZBC wasted no time in providing a masterclass in justification. The national broadcaster made history—nay, a world record—by dedicating live coverage to a lobola ceremony. But not just any lobola ceremony, comrades! It was none other than Wicknell Chivhayo’s, the ultimate tenderpreneur and Zimbabwe’s unofficial Minister of Luxury Vehicles. With corruption’s poster boy getting primetime treatment, it’s only fair that we, the taxpayers, dutifully fund ZBC licenses—after all, where else would we get to watch how state contracts translate into lobola cows?
SADC Chairman Announces Arrival To The Queen’s Land With A Goal
SADC Chairman Marshall Munetsi announced his arrival in the land of our former colonial masters in the most patriotic way possible—by slotting one past England’s number one, Jordan Pickford. With Zimbabwe boasting 16 million SADC chairs, Munetsi’s goal will surely be paraded as another feather in the cap of the Second Republic, proving that infrastructure, grassroots development, and basic planning are all overrated when you have pure, raw talent. Meanwhile, ZIFA’s latest “host” partnership with Morocco adds another twist, raising questions about whether Zimbabwe’s long-time solidarity with the Saharawi Arab Republic has been quietly swapped for more “convenient” alliances under the Mnangagwa administration.
Ruka Chivende, the Constitutionalist, Backs Unconstitutionalism at MSU
By Cde Sikhosana Bambazonke Mr. Strong ZIG recently dismissed the conspiracy that he wants to unconstitutionally extend his rule beyond his two terms, which end in 2028, an act that some took with caution and many disbelieved due to his repeated mutilation of the...
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