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Zanu PF Resolutions: The sad truth
In this episode, we discuss the Zanu PF Resolution from the Zanu PF People’s Conference held in Bulawayo on October 2014. Whats in it for the masses, how much is the party overriding government work.
We also talk to journalists to unpack some of the disinformation tactics our government has been using and ways to counter these, please listen!
Throw A Stone At Shake-shake Building And You Will Hit A PHD Holder
Under President Trabablas’ reign, Zimbabwe’s ruling party has become the ultimate academic institution—handing out PhDs faster than a street vendor sells airtime. The True Patriot hilariously examines how ZANU PF’s Shake-Shake Building is now overflowing with “Doctors,” from Tatenda Mavetera, who mysteriously forgot her thesis title, to Amai Auxilia Mnangagwa, whose doctorate is as prestigious as her taxpayer-funded pada tournaments. At this rate, even Wicknell “Chigananda” Chivayo might soon be a proud PhD holder!
Mnangagwa’s All-Weather Friends Introduce Mining To Bryden Country School
In this blistering satire from The True Patriot, Nhamo Taneta exposes the madness behind Zimbabwe’s “Open for Business” policy—now taking mining straight to the classroom! With Chinese miners set to dig up Bryden Country School, students will get a hands-on “education” in environmental destruction. After all, under President Trabablas, nothing—not even schools—is off-limits for his “all-weather friends.”
War Veterans Get Water, But Still No Roof Over Their Heads
In this scathing True Patriot piece, Cde Patriot Sungura dissects ZANU PF’s latest “masterstroke”—boreholes for war veterans, because who needs a roof when you’ve got water? As the government parades this “milestone” under the Trabablas Chivende initiative, war veterans remain homeless, hungry, and forgotten—just not thirsty! A satirical deep dive into promises that flow faster than progress.
Ministers Mhona and Garwe: Heroes of Cardboard Casts and Medical Tape Solutions”
Zimbabwe’s healthcare sector has once again proven that necessity is the mother of invention. Thanks to the “visionary” leadership of Ministers Felix Mhona and Daniel Garwe, the nation is witnessing a medical revolution—cardboard splints and cellotape casts. While critics cry “inhumane,” true patriots see innovation! Why waste millions on plaster casts when a sturdy box and tape can do the job? As Ministers pose for photos and critics rant online, one thing is clear—Zimbabwe leads the world in DIY healthcare solutions!
Warriors Settle in South Africa Again Amid Stadium ‘Renovations’
In this biting satire, The True Patriot ridicules ZIFA’s “home-away-from-home” farce as the Warriors once again host a World Cup qualifier in South Africa—because who needs an actual stadium in Zimbabwe? With Minister Kirsty Coventry’s promises gathering more dust than the National Sports Stadium, the Warriors are fast becoming a touring agency rather than a national team.
Drug Testing policy should start at the top office
In this latest Beyond the Grave dispatch, our late supreme leader delivers another dose of unfiltered wisdom, endorsing Deputy Health Minister Sleiman Kwidini’s call for mandatory drug testing—with one crucial amendment: Start at the top! From Trabablas’ chaotic policies to Mutsvangwa’s rambling press conferences, the signs are clear—something stronger than logic is at play. And with the ZRP now charging Cde Geza, could a showdown between the police and the Generari be brewing? Stay tuned—2024 is serving drama hotter than a ZANU PF rally speech!
Cde Geza, Beware! Trabablas is the “Army, Police and the Judiciary
ZANU PF Republic Police (ZRP) is hunting for Cde Blessed Geza, dusting off old charges to remind him that in the Second Republic, every citizen has a case—it just activates when you criticize President Ruka Chivende. Geza should seek survival tips from seasoned ‘Western puppets’ Obert Masaraure and Robson Chere, or perhaps Job Sikhala and Jameson Timba—veterans of ZANU PF’s favorite game: Criticize and Catch a Charge. As history shows, under Trabablas, justice comes swift—armed with the Army, Police, and Judiciary. Good luck, Cde Geza. You’ll need it!
Zim Celebrates USAID Cut: “More Taxes, Fewer Problems!”
The Zimbabwean government has enthusiastically welcomed the suspension of $410 million in USAID health funding, calling it a “patriotic blessing in disguise” and a golden chance to unleash more taxes. With Finance Minister Mthuli Ncube leading the charge, get ready for genius levies like the Walking Tax for using public air and pavements and a Gossip Tax on WhatsApp voice notes. But fear not—every dollar squeezed from citizens will fund Wicknell Chivayo’s luxury car giveaways. After all, what’s more urgent—hospitals or a happy Wicknell?
ED Forever: A Love Letter to My War Vets
In this heartfelt and totally democratic letter, Supreme Leader Ruka Chivende lovingly scolds his war vets for their lack of enthusiasm in supporting ED Forever. After all, who needs elections when you have urban stands and a few million-dollar perks to keep the comrades in line? As for corruption, well, that’s just motivation to steal bigger! Join His Excellency as he graciously reminds his war heroes that loyalty—like title deeds—can always be bought!
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