(and Line Pockets of Connected Elites)
The ZANU PF government’s Department of Cruelty, in a dazzling display of economic innovation, has unveiled a genius new policy, “taxing solar panels.”
Yes, dear citizens, the sun is no longer free welcome to Zimbabwe, where sunlight now comes with a surcharge!
From rural farmers powering their radios to urban households surviving blackout season aka “life,” no one is safe from this revolutionary fiscal strategy.
Big or small, your solar panels are now part of the great national economic recovery plan, or, as critics call it, “Operation Milk the Desperate.”
The Gospel According to Minister Misinformation
Leading the charge is government spokesperson and aspiring stand-up comedian, Jenfan Muswere.
“This tax is necessary to ensure that everyone contributes to the national fiscus, even those selfish individuals who insist on using renewable energy,”he declared with a straight face.
When questioned about how the solar tax aligns with the government’s climate pledges and promises to reduce fossil fuel reliance, Muswere flashed a knowing grin.
“Ah, my friend, you just don’t understand how economics works.
“Trust us, this tax will create jobs, stimulate growth, and make Zimbabwe the envy of the world,” he said.
The Real Bright Side: Lining Elite Pockets
But behind the curtain of high-minded rhetoric lies the true motive: enriching the well-connected.
Sources confirm the tax will pad the pockets of elites like Sir Wicknell Chivayo, the government’s go-to guy for “lucrative” energy projects.
Despite a CV that reads more like a comedy of errors than a business success story, Wicknell continues to score multimillion-dollar contracts.
“It’s classic ZANU PF,” quipped an anonymous observer.
“If they can’t tax it, they’ll seize it. And if they can’t seize it, they’ll tax it anyway.
“This is less about economics and more about sustaining the lifestyles of the rich and infamous.”
Breathing: The Next Frontier
Not content with taxing the sun, insiders suggest the government is brainstorming additional revenue streams.
Top of the list? A “breathing tax,” citing the need to monetize Zimbabweans’ stubborn insistence on inhaling oxygen.
Minister Muswere is reportedly drafting a statement to spin this latest innovation: “Breathing contributes to carbon dioxide emissions, and taxing it will not only reduce the deficit but also combat climate change.”
Zimbabwe: Leading the World in Absurdity
As the nation reels from daily power cuts, runaway inflation, and policies that defy common sense, the solar tax is just the latest chapter in Zimbabwe’s saga of economic self-sabotage.
It’s a country where innovation thrives,not in solving problems, but in creating new ones.
For now, Zimbabweans can only laugh to keep from crying.
After all, as one citizen put it: “At this rate, we’ll soon need a permit to enjoy the moonlight.”
Stay tuned for updates on this and other groundbreaking ways Zimbabwe plans to turn basic necessities into revenue streams.
Who knows? Perhaps next year, they’ll tax hope.
