By Cde Nhamo
Sengezo Tshabangu, Thokozani Khupe, and a select group of CCC legislators have emerged as true heroes not of the people, mind you, but of the ZANU-PF regime.
Yes, these stalwarts of the opposition have dared to do what many would call the unthinkable.
They have wholeheartedly embraced the wisdom of our supreme leader, President Trabablas Ruka Chivende, by bowing to the one and only lion of Zimbabwe’s political jungle.
Now, we must be clear, calling Tshabangu and company sellouts is an unfortunate misjudgment.
They’re not selling out, they’re innovating.
These patriots are rewriting the rulebook on what it means to be in opposition.
Forget about holding the government accountable or offering alternatives.
These unsung heroes are shifting the paradigm from government critics to official government cheerleaders, ensuring that Zimbabwe will soon be an exclusive one-party playground, where the opposition’s only job is to sing the praises of ZANU PF.
Let’s not forget the iconic moment when Tshabangu, in a display of unparalleled political courage, literally bowed his head to President Ruka Chivende at Pricabe Farm.
That image, Not just a symbol of submission, it’s an epic gesture of unity and a defining moment in the reshaping of the Zimbabwean political landscape.
By bowing, Tshabangu wasn’t just submitting to Ruka, he was leading the rest of the opposition MPs in a solemn vow of allegiance to a higher calling of personal advancement and political survival.
You see, the true measure of patriotism, as our dear leaders have shown us, is not in questioning authority or advocating for reforms.
No, the true patriots are those who bow, kneel, and yes dance to the rhythm of the ruling party’s agenda.
The CCC’s finest have shown us what true loyalty looks like, and it’s wearing a ZANU PF t-shirt at Pricabe Farm, singing “Proudly ZANU” in the front row.
This new brand of patriotism marks a glorious departure from the divisive, toxic politics that began with the late Morgan Tsvangirai and the founding of the MDC in 1999.
Gone are the days of oppositional bitterness; now we live in an age of political harmony where the opposition isn’t there to challenge the government, but to serve it, singing Kumbaya in unison with the powers that be. Political ideologies?
Forget them, who needs ideologies when you can have synergy,
Let’s be honest, the real benefit of this “transformation” will soon become clear: these heroes of unity will be handsomely rewarded for their efforts.
No longer will they need to worry about getting by on parliamentary salaries.
Oh no, thanks to Wicknell and his never-ending generosity, there will be cars, cash, and possibly even a private villas for the truly devoted.
If that doesn’t do the trick, don’t worry, there are always other means to ensure that loyalty is rewarded through hook or crook mostly crook.
As we stand on the precipice of this bold new political era, let us salute our opposition heroes, the ones who have swallowed their principles and sold their souls for the greater good of Zimbabwe’s bright one-party future.
Let’s face it—nothing says “democracy” quite like a country where all political parties agree to never disagree again.
In the end, the only question that remains is, who’s next?
Will there be a mad rush of opposition members trying to outdo each other in a race to prove who can be the most loyal to the regime?
Perhaps it’s time for a new Olympic sport: “Most Devoted Political Bow.”
Loyalty, after all, is the new* democracy.
