By Cde Patriot Sunungura
Our very own modern-day explorer, Vasco da Chivende – Zimbabwe’s tireless globetrotter and part-time president – has finally returned from his latest adventure in the land of strongmen and state-controlled media.
After two weeks of high-level handshakes, vodka toasts, and dictatorship masterclasses in Moscow and Minsk, President Emmerson Mnangagwa touched down at Robert Mugabe International Airport with his suitcase bursting with the heaviest cargo of all: empty promises.
While Zimbabwe’s teachers staged protests, lecturers went unpaid, and hospitals crumbled, our dear leader was busy sharpening his skills in the fine art of authoritarianism – courtesy of his good friend, Europe’s last dictator, Alexander Lukashenko.
Nothing says “I care about my people” like jetting off to Minsk for a crash course in How to Crush Dissent 101 while your citizens queue for painkillers.
And what better way to travel than in a US$18,000-per-hour luxury Boeing Business Jet, courtesy of UAE’s Royal Jet?
After all, why fly economy when you can sip champagne at 40,000 feet, far above the noise of striking workers and collapsing infrastructure?
In true ZANU-PF fashion, the trip bore the usual “groundbreaking” agreements – Zimbabwe’s precious minerals traded for Belarusian buses and aspirin.
Well nothing solves an economic crisis like a few second-hand vehicles and a box of Panadol. The signing ceremony was, no doubt, a majestic affair.
One can almost picture it – Lukashenko’s state orchestra playing “Kutonga Kwaro” as Mnangagwa pens yet another deal that will vanish into the bureaucratic abyss the moment his plane leaves the tarmac.
And so, Vasco da Chivende returns, his diplomatic passport stamped, his ego inflated, and his promises as hollow as a ZANU-PF campaign pledge.
Meanwhile, back on the ground, teachers are still underpaid, hospitals still lack basic drugs, and students still learn in crumbling classrooms.
At least we got a new flag-waving photo op and another chapter in the “Look How Important We Are on the World Stage” fantasy.
Let’s not forget, this is the same Robert Mugabe International Airport where activists like Robson Chere, Samuel Gwenzi, and Namatai Kwekweza were once dragged off a plane for daring to attend a workshop.
Today, it welcomes back a president who jets around the world while his people suffer in silence.
If promises were diamonds, Zimbabwe would be the richest country on earth. Instead, we get buses, painkillers, and another round of “Wait and see.” Welcome home, Vasco. The circus missed you.
