By Cde Honest Vhura Hombe

As Zimbabwe prepares for the Zimbabwe Football Association (ZIFA), elections slated on January 25, 2025, the race for the presidency has become a case study in how not to govern football, or anything else, for that matter.

What should be an opportunity to revive the beautiful game has instead turned into a dark comedy of corruption, cronyism, and questionable priorities.

The Cast of Characters

The candidates vying for the presidency are a colorful ensemble, each bringing their own peculiar flair to the stage.

Yet, their collective credentials are less impressive than their capacity to generate controversy.

Take Walter Magaya, for example.

Best known for his 2018 conviction over a bogus HIV cure than any football expertise, is one contender.

Magaya claimed to have discovered a herbal cure for HIV and AIDS, named “Aguma.”

Yes, Magaya also had lipstick with certain “particulars” that cure cancer.

This claim was met with widespread criticism, leading to his arrest and a conviction for contravening the Medicines Control Act.

He was fined US$700 for this offense.

Prior to this incident, Magaya in 2016 faced rape allegations from a congregant, Petronella Donhodzo.

The case was withdrawn after the complainant withdrew her plea, leading to its dismissal.

But he brings a knack for “miracles,” perhaps hoping his divine interventions can outplay his competitors.

Then there’s Phillimon Machana, who allegedly took US$700,000 FIFA funds on a magical vanishing act, and Martin Kweza, whose resume allegedly includes enough “criminal activities” to inspire a Netflix series.

And what of Nqobile Magwizi? Backed by ZANU PF ally Kuda Tagwirei, he takes credit for the Sakunda-sponsored bucket seats conveniently unveiled just as election season kicks off.

Were these seats being held hostage, only to be “donated” when the timing was politically advantageous?

Zimbabwean fans deserve better than to be pawns in an election campaign.

If anyone deserves thanks, it’s Sakunda’s owner, not an opportunistic employee playing savior

Conflict of Interest Theater

Farai Jere, offers his own twist to the ZIFA circus.

As CAPS United chairman, Murehwa West MP, and chairman of the Parliamentary Portfolio Committee on Sports, Jere is a walking conflict of interest.

How does one oversee ZIFA while simultaneously running for its presidency?

It’s like asking a referee to both officiate and play in the same match.

Spoiler alert: it never ends well.

Mliswa’s Moral High Ground

No ZIFA drama would be complete without Themba Mliswa, Parliament’s self-appointed moral watchdog.

His calls for ZIFA councillors to reject bribes and embrace patriotism might have sounded inspiring if he weren’t allegedly courting the same councillors with “financial incentives.”

Mliswa’s idea of patriotism telling ZIFA councillors to turn down bribes is like asking lions to become vegans at a buffet of antelopes.

Mwaruwari: The Odd One Out

Then there’s Benjani Mwaruwari, the former Warriors captain and a rare breath of fresh air in this polluted landscape.

With his actual football credentials, charisma, and genuine passion for the sport, Mwaruwari seems like the candidate football deserves.

But here’s the catch: Mwaruwari has been campaigning on integrity, a noble but naive strategy in Zimbabwean football.

While others hand out cash-stuffed envelopes and promises as extravagant as beachfront property in Masvingo, Mwaruwari talks about transparency and competence.

Admirable? Yes. Effective? Sadly, no.

The Toothless Normalization Committee

The ZIFA Normalization Committee claims it will conduct “rigorous vetting” of candidates.

But in a field where skeletons aren’t just in closets but out dancing in plain sight, what does rigorous vetting even mean?

This is the same system that allowed past scandals to thrive, so expecting meaningful change might be asking too much.

What’s at Stake?

As ZIFA councillors prepare to vote, Zimbabwean football faces a pivotal moment.

Will they prioritize competence and patriotism, or will bribes, political loyalty, and backroom deals once again dictate the future of the sport?

Football should unite the nation, yet its fate may be sealed far from the pitchin smoky corridors of political power where agendas trump the game itself.

For now, we can only watch as the drama unfolds and hope that, for once, integrity pulls off an unlikely victory.

But knowing Zimbabwean football, don’t bet your bucket seats on it.

Let the games begin!