By Cde Nhamo Taneta
At the University of Zimbabwe (UZ), that hallowed ground of red gowns and Latin mottos, the professors tasked with manufacturing your future doctors, engineers, and lawyers are taking home a grand total of US$250.
That’s right, US$250 — less than what Wicknell Chivhayo casually drops on socks he’ll never wear twice.
Remember Mai Welly? The lady who shook a few buttocks and walked away with a brand-new Aqua from “Sir” Wicknell?
Well, she’s probably clocking better benefits under “philanthropic entrepreneur” than UZ lecturers, who are now waving placards like nuisancical early-2000s activists begging for basic pay and dignity.
In all fairness, True Patriots, the Second Republic did promise a “middle-income economy.”
They just forgot to mention it was reserved for a few selected tenderpreneurs and ZANU PF elites’ family members.
Under our beloved Second Republic, comrades, education is outdated and irrelevant!
Why bother slaving over research papers when you could be selling the country’s gold like Grade 7 dropout Pedzai “Scott” Sakupwanya — and still roll up to Parliament draped in more bling than Ginimbi during his prime?
The government’s message to our misguided lecturers is loud and clear: “Drop the chalk, grab a tender!”
Instead of wasting time demanding $2,500 salaries, UZ lecturers should be enrolling in Corruption 101 under Professors Wicknell Chivhayo and Kuda Tagwirei.
New modules include: “How to Win Government Contracts Without Trying” and “Socks Before Salary: An Introduction.”
In this brave New Dispensation, those who still believe protest is a human right should consult Obert Masaraure and Robson Chere.
They demanded decent pay for teachers and were rewarded with murder charges — faster than you can say “2030 Ndinenge Ndichipo!”
Lecturers, represented by the Association of University Teachers (AUT), are now on an indefinite strike after 27 ignored appeals for a livable wage.
Pre-2018, a junior lecturer earned around $2,250.
Today, it’s less than $300 — $2 an hour if you’re counting adjuncts — which is about what Chivhayo probably tips his barber for a bad haircut.
With hyperinflation turning Zim dollars into Monopoly money and universities slowly becoming glorified daycare centers, the real question remains:
Should UZ just rebrand itself as the “University of Hustling?
At this rate, at least the socks would be designer.
