By Cde Bekezela Mkonto kaMthwakazi
ZANU PF’s information tsar, Farai Marapira, has generously offered starving Zimbabweans the ultimate solution to their poverty, “Stop whining, start bidding!”
According to Marapira, the only thing standing between the average citizen and their first US$40 million power deal is a little entrepreneurial attitude — and maybe a surname that rhymes with Tagwirei.
In his now-viral ZiFM Stereo recent interview, Marapira claimed that while the rest of us are too busy sulking and scrolling, the sharp-minded elites are out there hunting tenders like they’re Pokémon.
His message was clear: close X (formerly Twitter), open the Procurement Regulatory Authority of Zimbabwe (PRAZ) website, and voila — riches await.
What he conveniently left out is that the most lucrative tenders don’t even bother walking through the front door.
They’re sneaked in the back, handed over in handshakes, and sealed with loyalty oaths at elite gatherings.
True Patriots you see Zimbabwe, the tender system works just like a fairy tale — magical, mysterious, and completely fictional for ordinary citizens.
The likes of Kuda Tagwirei and Wicknell Chivayo didn’t stumble on government contracts after refreshing a tender portal.
No.
These are contracts that skipped the “open bidding” chapter altogether and jumped straight to “you’re one of us, here’s a billion.”
So when Marapira says “look for niches,” perhaps he meant political allegiance, childhood friendships with the president’s nephew, or a proven track record of tweeting party slogans by sunrise.
The public, of course, responded as you’d expect: with memes, outrage, and quotes that deserve to be framed.
“It’s like telling a homeless person to go buy a house,” one user said.
Another asked the obvious: “What tenders?”
A more honest slogan would be: “Don’t hate the player, just know you’ll never be one unless your uncle’s in Cabinet.”
In the end, Marapira’s advice is like trying to join a braai you weren’t invited to — you can smell the meat, but the gate’s locked, the guest list is coded, and the security guard’s surname ends with “PF.”
Beloved True Patriots — yes, Zimbabweans — do chase tenders.
However, don’t be surprised if all the tenders have already been eaten — bones and all.
