By Cde Sikhosana Bambazonke

Justice Pisirayi Kwenda of the Harare High Court seems to have mistaken his WhatsApp for a courtroom, and now the Judicial Service Commission (JSC) is scrolling through the evidence like the plot of a particularly messy romance novel. 

The cause is allegedly spicy messages to a married court clerk that were apparently less “order in the court” and more “order in my DMs.”

Screenshots of the steamy exchange, intercepted by the clerk’s husband (because apparently Wi-Fi isn’t the only thing married couples share), have been submitted to the JSC, chaired by the ever-watchful Chief Justice Luke Malaba.

In one message that is already being hailed as the Shakespearean tragedy of WhatsApp, Justice Kwenda confessed: “I miss you.” The clerk’s cautious reply: “Really?”—clearly the “How deep does this rabbit hole go?” moment.

The messages only escalated from there. 

When the clerk asked about vacation duty, the judge’s response in Shona was: “Ne case yembudzi iyoyi (With this goat case).” Because nothing says “professionalism” like goats.

Her reply, “Yaa pange paipa, I hope tools down now,” might have been an innocent reference to office work. 

But Justice Kwenda, ever the innovator, turned it into “..and tools in,” crowned with a see-no-evil monkey emoji—because emojis make everything judicially binding, apparently.

The conversation ended with the clerk laughing: “Kkk in where?”—an existential question that likely mirrors the JSC’s collective confusion.

Interestingly, these amorous goat messages reportedly came just days after Justice Kwenda delivered the corruption verdict that sent businessmen Mike Chimombe and Moses Mpofu to jail for using fraudulent documents to bag an $88 million agriculture ministry tender (for goats, naturally) on December 8 last year. 

Justice Kwenda’s multitasking skills are either impressive or terrifying—take your pick.

When asked by the JSC to defend his WhatsApp activities, Justice Kwenda reportedly argued that the clerk’s husband had violated his privacy. 

On the other hand d, the clerk reportedly told the commission: “Nothing happened.” 

A diplomatic classic—sort of like saying, “The emails were spicy, but the pasta wasn’t cooked.”

Chief Justice Malaba now faces the unenviable task of deciding whether any judicial misconduct occurred. 

If he rules that it did, Justice Kwenda could face disciplinary action—but probably not before the internet has already crafted memes of goats, emojis, and judicial lust.

The saga brings back memories of 2021, when Justice Thompson Mabhikwa was removed from the bench after a scandal involving romantic entanglements, phone snooping, and circulated nude images—basically a cautionary tale titled: “Don’t Fall Asleep With Your Secrets in Your Pocket.”

For now, JSC spokesperson Daniel Nemukuyu and the clerk’s husband cling to their “no comment” like life rafts. 

Harare’s legal circles, meanwhile, are left grappling with the existential dilemma: can goats and WhatsApp really share a courtroom?