By Cde Patriot Sunungura
After much noise from civic voices and keyboard warriors, the Auditor General (AG) finally released her report.
It arrived late — and not fashionably — like sadza at a wedding when everyone’s already eaten bread and Mazowe.
Why the delay?
Simple, it needed bleaching and heavy editing.
National deodorant applied generously to mask the stench of corruption.
But even with the sanitising, the rot still oozed through.
Turns out Parliament, that freshly donated Chinese Building full of honourables, which justifies the massive looting of our resources, has quietly moonwalked from “oversight role” to “over-swipe role.”
The AG report gently but firmly snitches — suggesting MPs are not just asleep at the wheel, but possibly steering the gravy train.
Over Z$157 billion RTGS (that’s over US$3 billion real-world money) has disappeared into thin air, and our MPs responded with their signature move: The Silent Clap.
Yes, they clapped.
For loans, cars, housing and allowances.
But for accountability there are deaf, blind, and sometimes conveniently on a lunch break.
The report highlights “missing” funds — particularly from ministries.
But let’s not be naive.
These funds didn’t vanish; they were “redistributed” in true chivanhu economics: where loyalty fees, handshake costs, and silence premiums are all legitimate line items.
Our Parliament has become the classic “see no evil, hear no evil, vote for more perks” squad.
They’re now treating the AG report like app terms and conditions — scroll to the bottom, click accept, and proceed to the next fuel coupon.
The ministry of finance is busy handing out loans to parastatals like raffle tickets at a village fundraiser. No terms.
No interest. No plans to pay back.
Even Parliament got some — which explains the sudden love for luxury and loathing for oversight.
The DDF, champions of boreholes and backroom deals, were caught double — even triple — paying for goods. Creative accounting is now a national sport.
And the MPs? Well, they’re very busy — globe-trotting on taxpayer-funded “fact-finding missions” with open per diem taps.
Meanwhile, the report shows US$500 million meant for medicine just vanished. Poof. Gone.
Hospitals still have no painkillers, but at least honourables are pain-free in their latest SUVs.
And what about the US$790 million in housing loans dished out to MPs like free samples at Pick n Pay? No repayment schedule. No interest. No shame.
Parliament approved over US$3.1 billion in external borrowing — with the kind of scrutiny you’d expect from someone picking tomatoes at midnight.
Don’t worry, they say, the supplementary budget will fix it.
Ah yes. The magical black hole that solves everything with a fresh batch of borrowed money.
True Patriots, let’s be honest, this isn’t oversight. This is inside trading — with wigs and parliamentary privileges.
The Public Accounts Committee makes noise during hearings, but when it’s time to vote, they align like church deacons at a funeral. The motto? Transparency kills patronage.
But to be honest nobody wants to die hungry in politics.
Every year, the AG shows us the rot. Every year, Parliament shows us a nap. At this point, we must thank the AG for the annual thriller — Zimbabwe’s very own “House of Scandals”.
